My Second Death

I don’t know what killed me, I just found myself on a hospital bed. I had my eyes closed but I know that I’m in the hospital. I can feel the needle stuck in my arm and the oxygen thingie I have in my nose. I heard my mom crying and pleading for my life. I heard the doctor saying that he was sorry and that he did all that he can. I can’t move. I can’t open my eyes, to tell them I’m fine. I was not fine, I was dying. I felt my entire body getting cold as I slowly sank deeper into myself. The coldness was not like how you feel in an air-conditioned room, more like having a raging fever. You feel so cold that no blanket can make you warm.

As I was getting colder I heard my mom crying harder. I did not see my life flash before my eyes. I was feeling all my dreams and plans shatter. I was listing the things that I was supposed to do but no longer can. I was begging for God for 5 more minutes with my parents. To say goodbye. To say that I love them. To ask for forgiveness. It was so cold that I can’t feel my body anymore. I know then that I was no longer dying, I just died. Yet I can still hear my mom. I think the spirit lingers a bit after dying. I was sinking deeper and deeper then suddenly I was nothing.

I found myself in a corridor looking down a staircase. I heard my parent’s voices so I slowly went down the stairs. I entered our dinning room and found my mom and dad talking sadly. I’ve never seen my parents look so old and sad. I went beside my mom and tried touching her shoulder. I tried telling them that I’m fine. I’m ok. That I’m still with them and that we can pretend that nothing happened. That I never left them and that I will not leave them. I was crying then. They can’t hear me. They can’t see or feel me.